Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
