Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
