Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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