I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
