Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
