After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
