I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
