Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
