where am i from again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
