Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
