Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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