Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
