I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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