Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
