Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
