Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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