this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize