No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
