the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
