theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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