Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
