Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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