I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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