Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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