So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just had sex on a roof
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
