He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
