I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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