We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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