I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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