I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
