So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
