Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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