i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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