I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
