Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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