So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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