I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
