Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
