I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
