the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
