eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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