god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
