I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He better not be in your backpack
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
