Swine flu. Run for my life!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
