1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
