If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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