He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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