everyone is single if you try hard enough
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
