between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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