Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
