Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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