I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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