i think i have herpe
just one?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
