pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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