she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
