We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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