Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
