so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
