I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
