He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
