i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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