Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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