I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
