Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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