im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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