i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
