do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
