honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
