Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
