are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want her autograph on my taint
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
