what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
