if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
